around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
