I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
