OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
