the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
