so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
