Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
should my penis look like a turkey
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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