No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
