i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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