you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Can I color on your dick again?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
