The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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