I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
