I woke up to her vacumming the grass
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
