I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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