Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
