I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
