he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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