This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
