i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
