1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
