Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
