o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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