He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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