dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
