Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
