There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
