No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
