How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
