I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
