woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have tasted many bathrooms
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
