did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
