omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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