I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
