Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
