Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
