she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need water and some morals
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
