i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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