The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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