the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
