Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
