They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
