there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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