Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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