dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
