when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We left an ass print on the piano.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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