well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want to make out with him forever
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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