our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
