someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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