i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
