I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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