Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
