sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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