oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
