There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
